When we look closely enough, it is amazing how much is passed down from generation to generation at the smallest physiological level—in our DNA.
Of course, there are obvious things recorded and transmitted in our DNA, such as hair, eye and skin color, height, body shape, and even aspects of personality. But there are also less obvious inherited attributes—interests, talents and passions—that sometimes seem to appear in younger generations almost out of nowhere, often years later in their lives (if we are paying close enough attention to recognize them).
Are special interests and talents transferred in our DNA, too?
I am not a scientist, but it’s hard for me to believe that they manifest merely as a result of “coincidence”!
For example, I have observed that I apparently inherited many interests and talents from my father—although they did not become evident until much later in my life.
My father had a great passion for the law and was valedictorian of his law school class. He also was an accomplished public speaker, winning second place in a hotly contested national collegiate public speaking championship (of which the winner became a famous U.S. Senator!). And my father was an accomplished stage actor, especially renowned for his portrayal of Tevye in an off-Broadway production of Fiddler on the Roof! Over time, he perfectly melded these interests and talents into his professional career as a successful trial attorney.
I, on the other hand, did not seem to inherit any of my Dad’s interests or talents—at least not as a child or young adult. In fact, I may have inherited the exact opposite! I never thought about, or cared about, becoming a lawyer or even studying law. I also was scared to death by the very idea of speaking before an audience or appearing on stage, even though I had many opportunities to do so because my father also produced and directed numerous musical shows.
I was far more interested in the solitude and quiet joy of literature and writing, which is why I majored in American literature and history in college. My desire was to become a great writer of historical fiction—maybe the next James Michener!
After college, reality intervened. I took a year off to experience what the “real” work world was like. When my money was nearly gone and I realized my novel was not getting completed and wasn’t paying the bills, I became determined to pursue a profession in which I could apply my “wordsmithing” skills.
So I took the LSAT (law school aptitude test), scored well on it, and enrolled in law school. After I became an attorney, I eventually specialized in estate planning, where drafting documents is, to a degree, I suppose, a form of “literature”—or at least an outlet for a frustrated novelist. Maybe my aptitude for law was “in the DNA,” but beyond that, I did not yet see any other talents I had inherited from my Dad.
Then, as my career went along, something unexpected happened.
I opened my own law practice, coincidentally at about the same age my father had. I quickly discovered that all the law, tax and financial planning degrees I had earned did not make the phone ring. Despite my credentials, clients did not simply appear. I had to learn how to bring them in—something no one had taught me in law school.
One day, I attended a public seminar presented by a real estate attorney. He was short, stout, wore thick glasses, and had a squeaky voice. Yet, to my amazement, his seminar was extremely successful! He captivated the audience and, despite having none of the qualities most people associate with dynamic speakers, got almost all of them to sign up for appointments. I went away thinking, “If he can do it, so can I.”
However, my first few seminars were total disasters! I can still remember being so frightened that I hid behind a tall podium, reading notes as I paged through a spiral binder with my head down and rarely looking at the audience at all. I perspired through my shirt and suit so badly I could not raise my arms to make any gestures! It was no surprise that I scheduled almost no appointments.
At that point, it certainly seemed that I had not inherited any of my father’s aptitude for public speaking or performing on stage.
But I kept going. I refused to quit and kept in mind the image of that other attorney—and of my Dad’s performances (particularly my favorite, as Professor Harold Hill in The Music Man). I continued giving seminars and was determined to “fall off the bicycle” enough times until I learned how to ride it.
Somehow, almost miraculously, the latent speaker and performer in my DNA came to life! Over the next 45 years, I presented thousands of successful seminars. I found a true passion for speaking before and educating the public, as well as other estate planning professionals. Looking back, I cannot help but wonder whether some dormant gift from my father had simply been waiting for the right time to emerge. Thanks, Dad.
The story does not end there.
After I became a father, I witnessed something similar in the next generation. I began to notice fascinating examples of interests and talents appearing in my daughter that may not have been imprinted in her DNA by me, but by generations before me. Interestingly, these talents and interests did not fully appear until she entered her late twenties and early thirties—about the same stage of life when my own seminar-speaking aptitude had begun to reveal itself.
Although my daughter descended from ancestors with graduate degrees, she chose not to attend college. Instead, she entered retail sales, first in a women’s clothing store, and quickly discovered that she loved “performing” in front of customers and helping people make buying decisions.
She quickly became the top salesperson in her store, but soon wanted to earn more and pursue something that could become a lasting career. She moved into sales positions involving increasingly higher-priced products, including home security systems, and repeatedly rose to top-salesperson status.
Most recently, she joined Tesla’s residential solar division, where she again has risen into sales leadership and now aspires to become one of the company’s top sales trainers. The performance ability may have come from my father, but her salesmanship prowess seems to reach back another generation.
Watching her success has reminded me of my father’s father—known affectionately by his grandchildren as “Pop Pop”—who never even went to high school, let alone college, and instead worked in a ladies’ dress shop where he became a super-successful salesperson. I have been told that almost every lady in the small New Jersey town where the shop was located (my hometown, Vineland) eventually purchased from him the same blue and white polka-dot dress!
After he left the clothing business, Pop Pop sought something more financially rewarding that he enjoyed. He began purchasing residential lots, hiring subcontractors to build family homes, and then marketing and selling them—so many that he wound up creating large neighborhoods of that small town (and I and all his other grandchildren have streets named after us!). His remarkable gift for sales appears to have skipped generations before reappearing in my daughter.
You may be wondering how and when I am going to circle back to your estate plan after all this discussion.
As estate planning attorneys, we naturally focus on trusts, wills, and powers of attorney. Those legal documents are essential. But there is another inheritance your family deserves.
Have you ever thought about passing down the history of your family and the great stories about their personalities, interests, talents, perseverance, and humor, and your values and dreams for your loved ones that may someday help your children and grandchildren understand themselves a little better? Some of those traits may be buried deep within your family’s DNA, waiting years—or even generations—to reveal themselves.
Take time to write down those stories. Share them with your family at a gathering. Perhaps record a video of yourself telling them. Provide future generations not only with your family assets, but the knowledge of who you and your family were.
That is the wonderful personal “stuff” that we, as your lawyers, do not place in your legal documents. Yet it may ultimately prove to be every bit as meaningful as the property those documents are designed to protect and pass on.
However you choose to preserve and share your family’s story, I hope it will be fun and exciting for both you and your loved ones—and that it will help future generations appreciate...what’s in your DNA!
Editor’s Note:
We at Kavesh, Minor & Otis are developing a new Legacy Letter process to help clients preserve their family history, values, memories and life lessons in a special written document that can accompany their estate planning legal documents. If you would like to participate as one of our first “test” cases, please call our office and ask to be placed on our Legacy Letter Project list.
