Father Becomes Grandfather

As we prepare to celebrate Father's Day later this month, I spent some time thinking about my own grandfather, my father, myself as a father, and now myself as a grandfather.

I have two children, boy and girl twins who are now 32 years old. Although I know that my personal story may not necessarily be true for all fathers turned grandfathers, I can honestly say that my experiences being a father and a grandfather are very different.

Being a Father

Fathering my two children was a challenge, because they were born when I was 39 and more than full-time busy pursuing my career goals as an attorney as well as building my law practice. I was so immersed in my work that I often got home late, after my kids had already gone to bed. All that work seemed worthwhile in that it provided a good standard of living for my family and allowed their mother to stay home and care for them. But, in retrospect, I wish I had spent more regular, daily time with my children.

I did my best to attend my children’s teacher’s conferences, school recitals and sporting events. And I traveled, sometimes alone with them, on some great trips. However, I mainly was a weekend “good times” Dad. Looking back further, to when I was a kid, I realize it was much the same for my own busy father when I was growing up. I’m sure I learned from him the model of hard work and long hours during the week and fun times on the weekend. It's how he showed our family he loved and cared for us. So, I followed suit.

I also learned from my Dad that being a father involves a delicate balancing act between enjoying your children and also being their parent. Teaching them right from wrong, morals and principles. At times, having to sometimes be the "bad guy" by enforcing the rules or saying no. Not always being their favorite person, but always having their back and being someone they can talk with and count on when needed. This has been the hardest part of being a father, particularly in their teenage years and, now even in their 30’s.

Being a Grandfather

I am now blessed to have the privilege and honor of being a grandfather to my wife’s grandkids, two boys ages 10 and 12. This experience as grandfather has been dramatically different for me.

First, I am at a different place in my career and life. I am no longer working nearly as many hours as I was in my 40's and 50's. This has made me so much more available and accessible to helping out and being present with my grandkids.

But, the other wonderful component of being a grandfather is... I enjoy the exalted title of “Grandpa” (or, as they call me, “Uncle Phil”). I get the “job” of being the fun one and taking the kids out on adventures and excursions, but then hand them over to their Mom and Dad at the end of the day for the “tough love” parenting. And I get to do it all over again the next time I see them. The responsibility and pressure that I had as a parent has lifted. Don't get me wrong, grandparents still need to do their fair share of teaching, disciplining, and "parenting" but it's just so much different. It’s kind of cool that my two grandsons will talk about many disparate and unrelated subjects and confide in me about things they never would share with their parents! I am sure that many other fathers turned grandfathers (and mothers turned grandmothers) have experienced this type of wonderfully different relationship. (Come to think of it, this is exactly the same kind of fun relationship I had with my father’s father, whom I affectionately called “Poppop”.)

Passing Along the Same Traditions

Some of the best memories I have of my own father involve going to football games with him as a young boy. I grew up in a small, rural, farm town in South Jersey, where the local high school football games were a major community social event, and I vaguely remember spending most Saturday fall afternoons at those games with Dad. But, I'll never forget when I was 9 years old and my father took me to the big city (Philadelphia) to see my first Sunday professional football game (the Eagles). Just as we were about to sit in our seats, the opening kickoff was high in the air and the crowd erupted deliriously with joy as the Eagles player caught the ball five yards deep in the end zone and returned it all the way for a touchdown! (At the time an NFL record!) I was immediately hooked on attending pro football games with my Dad, which we continued as our personal tradition even when I was away in college and in his golden years.

So, when my own son was 4 years old, I was able to pass down this same father-son sports bonding tradition. At the time, here in Los Angeles we did not have our own professional football team anymore (only the “visiting” Raiders, whom I never really considered “our” team). So I instead took my son to a professional hockey game. Immediately, our mutual love for the Los Angeles Kings was born and is something that we still share to this day. And my son and I have taken this tradition a big step beyond that of me and my Dad - - having witnessed in person our team win the championship game! (By the way, my daughter has also participated in this hockey tradition, and even got to kiss the Stanley Cup!)

Now, as a grandfather, this sports tradition and bonding experience was something that I wanted to be sure to pass along to my grandsons. I have taken both of them to many Los Angeles Kings games since they were young. It’s our special time together. In particular, they love going down to the glass before each game, seeing the players up close and getting pucks tossed to them by the players!. Now they’re hooked on hockey, too!

And even when there are no hockey games to attend, we have found other fun activities to enjoy together, including riding bikes along The Strand, boogie boarding in the ocean and playing backyard basketball or hockey! We’re currently planning a very special outing - - a 3-day trip to Disneyland this summer - - just us “youngsters”!

Being blessed with the opportunity to act both as a father and a grandfather has brought a great deal of love, joy and meaning to others’ lives, as well as to mine. It also reminds me that all the years and years of hard work on my career and in building Kavesh, Minor & Otis have not only allowed me to enjoy these grandfather years, but also to help many other local families love, enjoy and take care of their loved ones too.

Here's wishing you and your loved ones a wonderful Father’s Day - - or maybe even a happy Grandfather's Day!

Kavesh, Minor & Otis — Trusted Estate Planning Attorneys In Torrance and Serving the Greater South Bay

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